Seinfeld: Season 3

Previous seasons

Episode 1: “The Note” (18th episode overall)
- Original air date: September 18, 1991
- Plot: George is stressed out because he gets a massage from, God forbid, A MAN! (It may have moved.)
- Notable locations: Jerry has a new table, still only two chairs. Jerry has a new stereo system.
- Foods eaten: George eats leftover Chinese food but it has ginger in it which he hates then he eats directly from a giant jar of…red applesauce?
- Nothings of interest: The opening credits has lyrics. George says he never uses urinals.
- Stand-up routines: 2
- My grade: B

Episode 2: “The Truth” (19th overall)
- Original air date: September 25, 1991
- Plot: George breaks up with a woman that was going to help Jerry out of an IRS audit.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Valerie Muhaffey as Patrice. Siobhan Fallon returns as Tina.
- Notable locations: Elaine’s apartment gets an establishing shot of the exterior.
- Recurring gags: The never seen Bob Sacamano is mentioned as having has electro-shock therapy that didn’t work.
- Foods eaten: Jerry has animal crackers.
- Kramer’s mooched items: Kramer made pasta in Elaine’s apartment and put the sauce on it while it was still in the strainer.
- Kramer scheme: He got Jerry to donate to a volcano relief fund for Krakatoa in ’86 resulting in an IRS audit in this episode.
- Nothings of interest: Jerry says his cousin Douglas was once in a mental hospital. We learn George’s middle name: Louis. Kramer finds a windshield on the road and wants to make it into a coffee table. Kramer sees Elaine naked.
- Characters excuses/lies: George breaks up with a woman with “It’s not, it’s me.”
- Significant others:
  - George: Patrice
  - Kramer: Tina, Elaine’s roommate
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: B overall but Elaine’s interaction with Kramer is really good.

Episode 3: “The Pen” (20th overall but intended to be 5th episode of the season)
- Original air date: October 2, 1991
- Plot: Jerry causes a ruckus in the retirement community by “taking” an astronaut pen.
- Characters Introduced: First episode with Barney Martin as Mort Seinfeld. Sandy Baron as Jack Klompus (he will appear in 6 episodes total), Annie Korzan as Doris Klompus, Ann Morgan Guilbert as Evelyn,
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Liz Sheridan as Helen Seinfeld. Len Lesser as Uncle Leo.
- Notable locations: Helen and Morty Seinfeld’s condo in Florida.
- Recurring gags: Cousin Jeffrey is referenced as being funnier than Jerry.
- Other points of interest: Neither George nor Kramer appear in this episode. The retirement community is called “The Pines of Mar Gables Phase II”
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: A- Liz Sheridan owns every scene she is in.

Episode 4: “The Dog” (21st episode overall but intended to be the 3rd of the season)
- Original air date: October 9, 1991
- Plot: Jerry gets stuck watching a crazy dog.
- Characters Introduced:
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Joseph Maher as Gavin. Farfel the dog
- Foods eaten: Elaine makes chocolate egg creams
- Kramer’s mooched items: “His” (Jerry’s) pot.
- Nothings of interest: The dog barking is a really bad sound effect voiced by Larry David. Elaine says she moved to NYC in 1986. Elaine reveals that Jerry drinks Morning Thunder tea but thinks it’s decaf. Jerry gargles six times a day.
- Fake Movie Titles: Prognosis Negative. Ponce de Leon.
- Characters excuses/lies: Jerry says that George told him the entire plot to a movie so get out of seeing it again.)
- Significant others:
  - Kramer: Ellen
- Stand-up routines: 2
- My grade: B

Episode 5: “The Library” (22nd episode overall but intended to be the 4th of the season)
- Original air date: October 16, 1991
- Plot: Jerry owes library fines on “Tropic of Cancer” from 1971.
- Characters Introduced: Mr. Lippman played by Harris Shore
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Philip Baker Hall as Mr. Bookman. Ashley Gardner as Marian.
- Nothings of interest: Kramer had always refused to get a library card. Jerry claims he doesn’t drink coffee but in previous episodes he has a jar of Folgers in the cabinet. Jerry and George graduated from JFK high school in 1971.
- Significant others:
  - Kramer: Marion the librarian
- Disrespecting Authority: Jerry thinks the “library cop” is ridiculous.
- Stand-up routines: 2
- My grade: B-

Episode 6: “The Parking Garage” (23rd episode overall)
- Original air date: October 30, 1991
- Plot: The gang gets lost in a New Jersey mall parking garage.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Cynthia Ettinger as Michelle. Adam Wylie as the kid who calls George ugly.
- Kramer scheme: He hides the a/c unit at Purple 23.
- Nothings of interest: It’s George’s parent’s anniversary. George refuses to ever carry a pen for fear of puncturing his scrotum.
- Characters excuses/lies: Jerry claims he has a medical condition that could result in uromisitisis poisoning if he doesn’t relieve himself and that he has a public urination pass from the city but his little brother stole it. Later he claims he wasn’t urinating but rather pouring out a bottle of tepid water. Jerry also says it’s his parents 47th wedding anniversary and his was was in a Red Chinese Prison for the last 14 years.
- Flubs: Michael Richards bangs his head on the real a/c unit when he puts it in the trunk and you can see he gets a fat lip. The car was supposed to start at the end but didn’t and Jason laughs.
- Death Watch: Two goldfish
- Disrespecting Authority: Both Jerry and George rail at the security guard for ticketing them for public urination.
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: A-

Episode 7: “The Cafe” (24th episode overall)
- Original air date: November 6, 1991
- Plot: Jerry tries to help Babu Bhatt while George and Elaine scheme on an IQ test.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Brian George as Babu Bhatt
- Notable locations:Babu Bhatt’s Dream Cafe
- Recurring gags: Kramer’s chick-magnet jacket that he found at his mother’s house.
- Foods eaten: Jerry has a turkey sandwich then later stringy shrimp.
- Kramer’s mooched items: Jerry’s tortilla chips
- Nothings of interest: George pretends he got 1409 on his SATs. First episode where Michael Richards gets applause when he enters. George says when he was a little kid he wanted to be a ventriloquist.
- Characters excuses/lies: George says he had a sandwich in his pocket and climbed out the window to get coffee.
- Significant others:
  - George: Monica
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: A-

Episode 8: “The Tape” (25th episode overall)
- Original air date: November 13, 1991
- Plot: George orders hair baldness remedy from China. The guys are aroused by an erotic message left on a tape.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Ping Wu as Ping
- Notable locations: Jerry’s now has a green bicycle on the wall to the bedroom; it’s a Klein.
- Recurring gags: Kramer references the jacket again, this time the guy took it when he was arrested for mail fraud.
- Foods eaten: Kramer eats Chinese food. Jerry has a Minute Maid juice box.
- Nothings of interest: Jerry orders a cup of decaf even though he said he never drinks coffee in The Library. We learn Elaine’s middle name: Marie.
- Fake movie titles: “Elaine Benes does the Upper West Side” the fake porno Kramer jokes about.
- Characters excuses/lies: Jerry says he has a pain in his side to cover up erotic moaning. George claims Jerry threatened him to get a secret (from ‘the vault’?)
- Significant others:
  - Kramer: Marian
  - Jerry: Alicia (one failed date)
- Stand-up routines: 2
- My grade: C+

Episode 9: “The Nose Job” (26th episode overall)
- Original air date: November 20, 1991
- Plot: George encourages his girlfriend to get a nose job. Jerry is obsessed with a hot but very dull woman.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Tawny Kitaen as Isabel. Roy Brocksmith as the landlord.
- Recurring gags: Kramer enlists Elaine to get “the jacket” back and uses the pseudonym Dr. Peter von Nostrand.
- Kramer’s mooched items: Frosted flakes
- Kramer scheme: Enlists Elaine to steal back a jacket.
- Nothings of interest: George says he’s from Long Island (but later he’s from Queens.) For some reason George and Audrey are at Elaine’s apartment while she, Elaine, is getting ready for bed. Jerry dresses up as a brain and a flacid penis (à la angel/devil on your shoulder). We learn that Kramer’s mother’s name is Babs Kramer “a great big woman who stumbles around drinking Colt 45.”
- Fake ~~movie~~ play titles: Saline
- Characters excuses/lies: Elaine pretends to be “Wanda Pepper”.
- Flubs: Kramer tears up a piece of paper into 4 pieces but later when he tosses it, it’s about 30 pieces.
- Significant others:
  - George: Audrey
  - Jerry: Isabel
  - Kramer: Audrey
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: C+

Episode 10: “The Stranded” (AKA “The Lost Episode”. 27th episode overall. Intended to be the 9th episode of Season 2.)
- Original air date: November 27, 1991
- Plot: George strands Jerry and Elaine at a party on Long Island.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Michael Chiklis as Steve Pocatello. Teri Austin as Ava.
- Foods eaten: New York Seltzer. Deep dish pizza
- Kramer scheme: Orders an escort for Steve at 555-LOVE.
- Nothings of interest: George has fleas. Jerry mentions his age as 36. Jerry and Elaine devise a head-tapping signal to get out of bad party conversations. Elaine yells “The dingo ate your baby!” Jerry yells “Pendant? Those bastards!” which is what Elaine’s dad said to him in “The Jacket”. Because this was aired out of order, George is working at the Real Estate agency again.
- Characters excuses/lies: Jerry says he has a nervous tic and it taking L-DOPA.
- Significant others:
  - George: Ava
  - Kramer: A “girl in the next building”
- Disrespecting Authority: George is rude to a security guard
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: C+

Episode 11: “The Alternate Side” (28th episode overall) Intended to be the 10th episode of the season
- Original air date: December 4, 1991
- Plot: Jerry’ gets a rental car and George is a parking attendant.
- Characters Introduced: Sid the parking attendant (he’ll be back in one more episode.
- Recurring gags: “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” Kramer gets the acting bug.
- Foods eaten: Diet Shasta, A COOKIE!, Yankee bean soup. Pretzels.
- Kramer’s mooched items: Jerry’s newspaper.
- Kramer scheme: He fumbles as an extra and works his way into a speaking role in the Woody Allen film.
- Nothings of interest: Jerry’s car phone number is 555-8383. His address is 129 W 81st St. even though the awning cleary reads 757 Kramer is an extra in a Woody Allen film. Jerry says he doesn’t have washcloths or a blender. Jerry Seinfeld says this is his least favorite episode.
- Significant others:
  - Elaine: Owen March who is 66 years old.
- Near-Death Watch: Owen (a stroke). Woody Allen gets glass in his eye.
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: B+

Episode 12 : “The Red Dot” (29th episode overall) Intended to be the 11th episode of the season
- Original air date: December 11, 1991
- Plot: George buys Elaine a cashmere sweater with a red dot on it.
- Characters Introduced: Richard Fancy as Mr. Breckman, later to be renamed Mr. Lippman.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: David Naughton as Dick.
- Notable locations: Pendant Publishing offices
- Recurring gags: “Art Vandelay” – an obscure Beatnik writer from The Village. Elaine “Get out!” shoves Jerry.
- Foods eaten: Cranberry juice and vodka. Henningan’s Scotch.
- Nothings of interest: George now works at Pendant Publishing.
- Fake ~~movie~~ book titles: Venetian Blinds
- Characters excuses/lies: Jerry claims he has a deviated septum and was not “making a face.” George said he had a 103* temperature when he bought the sweater.
- Significant others:
  - Elaine: Dick
  - George: Evie the cleaning woman
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: A-

Episode 13: “The Subway” (30th episode overall)
- Original air date: January 8, 1992
- Plot: The gang takes the subway separately to different events (Elaine -lesbian wedding, George -job interview, Jerry -Coney Island to pick up his previously stolen car, Kramer – court)
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Ernie Sabella as “naked man”, Barbara Stock as “scam woman”. Rhoda Gemignani as “woman with Elaine”. Mark Boone Junior as “OTB Patron”.
- Recurring gags: The first time George is referred to as Biff Loman.
- Nothings of interest: The horse Kramer bets on is named “Papanik”. George says as a kid his mother used to walk around in her underwear and the kids would say “your mother is uglier than Hazel!”
- Pregnancy concealment: Julia Louis-Dreyfus is pregnant and starting to show so she is holding a wedding present over her bump.
- Characters excuses/lies: George pretends to be a stock investor to impress a woman.
- Flubs: J L-D noticeably breaks when Jerry yells “You’ll catch the bris!”
- Stand-up routines: 2
- My grade: B (I don’t miss riding the subway (the world is on day 75 of quarantine as of this writing – 5/27/20))

Episode 14: “The Pez Dispenser” (31st episode overall)
- Original air date: January 15, 1992
- Plot: Elaine laughs at a piano recital. Kramer creates a cologne that smells like the beach. Jerry hosts an intervention.
- Recurring gags: Jerry refers to George as Biff Loman
- Foods eaten: Pez, Chinese take-out, Corn Flakes with the label blacked out.
- Kramer scheme: Tries to peddle his cologne “The Beach” to Calvin Klein.
- Nothings of interest: Kramer is a member of the Polar Bear Club. Jerry says Kramer is an unbelievable first baseman
- Pregnancy concealment: A big coat
- Significant others:
  - George: Noel
- Death Watch: Marty Benson (baseball coach/comedy club owner) thanks to Richie Appel being goaded by Kramer.
- Stand-up routines: 2
- My grade: B

Episode 15: “The Suicide” (32nd episode overall) Intended to be the 12th episode of the season.
- Original air date: January 29, 1992
- Plot: Jerry is attracted to a coma patient’s girlfriend. Kramer goes to the Cayman Islands.
- Characters Introduced: Wayne Knight as Newman
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Gina Gallego as Gina. Peggy Lane as Nurse (she will be back in 10 future episodes but in different roles.)
- Notable locations: The door to 5D doesn’t correspond with the layout of Jerry’s 5A apartment.
- Recurring gags: First “Hello, Newman.”
- Foods eaten: Potato chips. Quaker Oats cereal. Drake’s coffee cake.
- Kramer’s mooched items: Jerry’s bag of garbage, sort of.
- Kramer scheme:
- Nothings of interest: George refers to having a brother. Jerry and George mention that George’s father is bald. Jerry lets Gina use his toothbrush. Once again George worries he might get Lupus one day. Newman says that fruit makes him incontinent. Kramer thinks the carpet sweeper is the biggest scam on the American public since the 1-hour Martinizing.
- Pregnancy concealment: Big coat and a bag of chips.
- Flubs: When Jerry slams the door to his apartment the entire set shakes.
- Significant others:
  - Jerry: Gina
- Near Death Watch: Martin tries to overdose on pills
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: C+

Episode 16: “The Fix-Up” (33rd episode overall) Intended to be episode 17 of the season.
- Original air date: February 5, 1992
- Plot: Jerry and Elaine set George up on a date.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Maggie Wheeler as Cynthia
- Notable locations: Elaine’s is painting her apartment pink. Her apartment number is “B”.
- Recurring gags: Bob Sacamano now works at a condom factory.
- Foods eaten: Iceberg lettuce with…butter on it? (Cynthia) Spaghetti very sloppily by George.
- Kramer’s mooched items:
- Kramer scheme: He scams a gross of condoms.
- Nothings of interest: Cynthia is bulimic. George wears a blue bathrobe and a poster of The Justice League over his bed.
- Pregnancy concealment: A newspaper and an Empire waist dress.
- Characters excuses/lies: Elaine claims George can lift 100lbs right up over his head.
- Significant others:
  - George: Cynthia
- Stand-up routines: 3
- Awards: “Outstanding Individual Achievement In Writing In A Comedy Series” – Emmy
- My grade: B-

Episodes 17 and 18 : “The Boyfriend (parts 1 and 2)” (34th and 35th episodes overall) Intended to be the 15th and 16th episodes of the season. Originally titled “The New Friend” (part 1) and “The Boyfriend” (part 2).
- Original air date: February 12, 1992
- Plot: Jerry makes friends with Keith Hernandez and Keith asks Elaine. Newman accuses Hernandez of spitting on Kramer in 1986.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Keith Hernandez as himself. Roger McDowell as himself (these are NY Mets players in the 90s).
- Recurring gags: George tells the unemployment office he is in the running for a job at Vandelay Industries, which makes latex products. George is referred to as Bif Loman again by two people.
- Foods eaten: George eats potato chips.
- Nothings of interest: The only episode where the title appears on screen. “Ya gotta see the baby!” quote. This a parody of the movie JFK and the single shooter (spitter) theory.
- Pregnancy concealment: Standing behind the kitchen island. A whipped grass-fed butter colored blazer.
- Characters excuses/lies: Jerry pretends to be Kel Varson of Vandelay Industries. George says he has an interview at a hardware store to get out of having sex.
- Significant others:
  - Elaine: Keith Hernandez
- Stand-up routines: 4
- “Award“: TV Guide names it the 4th best TV episode of all time.
- My grade: B

Episode 19: “The Limo” (36th episode overall) Intended to be episode 18 of the season
- Original air date: February 26, 1992
- Plot: George and Jerry scam a limo from a white supremacist
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Peter Krause as Tim.
- Recurring gags: “You know we’re living in a SOCIETY!”
- Nothings of interest: The woman who plays Eva returns in two seasons in another role.
- Fake ~~movie~~ book titles: The Big Game
- Pregnancy concealment: Just a big coat.
- Characters excuses/lies: Jerry pretends to be Dylan Murphy and George Colin O’Brien in order to get a free limo.
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: D+. Yikes this was funnier when America didn’t put up Nazis and it’s not a smart enough to be a social commentary.

Episode 20: “The Good Samaritan” (37th episode overall)
- Original air date: March 4, 1992
- Plot: Jerry dates a woman he was going to scold for a hit and run on a parked car. Kramer has seizures when he hears Mary Hart’s voice.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Helen Slater as Becky Gelke. Melinda McGraw as Angela
- Foods eaten: Milk. George sloppily eats spaghetti again. Ice cream (it looks like strawberry).
- Kramer’s mooched items: A VHS tape.
- Nothings of interest: Jason Alexander directed this. “What am I drinking, milk?”
- Pregnancy concealment: Another big coat and a jumper. Then holding a giant folded sweater.
- Characters excuses/lies: Jerry makes up a confrontation with a driver (yelling, shoving) to cover for going out with her. Elaine lies about dating a matador named “Eduardo Carrochio”.
- Significant others:
  - Elaine: “A guy with gray sweatpants”
  - George: Robin, a married woman
  - Jerry: Angela
  - Kramer: Becky Gelke
- Stand-up routines: 3
- My grade: C

Episode 21: “The Letter” (38th episode overall)
- Original air date: March 25, 1992
- Plot: An artist paints Kramer. Elaine refuses to take of an Orioles cap at a Yankees game. Jerry gets an emotional letter.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Catherine Keener as Nina
- Foods eaten: Stadium food (hot dogs, popcorn). Steak and potatoes.
- Nothings of interest: Georges doesn’t “get” art. Elaine has never seen an uncirmcumcized penis. Kramer’s head injury causes him to refer to Elaine as ‘Carol’ and George as ‘Mike’. He then claims when he was 17 he hopped a steam ship to Sweden.
- Pregnancy concealment: A huge coat. HUGE! Than a couch cushion.
- Characters excuses/lies: Elaine says she has to go visit her father in Maryland in order to get out of going to a bris. She claims he has “neuritis” and “neuralgia”.
- Significant others:
  - Jerry: Nina
- Disrespecting Authority: Elaine is rude to a security guard.
- Stand-up routines: 2
- My grade: B (Elaine should have removed the cap.)

Episode 22: “The Parking Space” (39th episode overall)
- Original air date: April 22, 1992
- Plot: George argues with a guy over a parking spot.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Maryedith Burrell as Mother. Lee Arenberg as Mike.
- Notable locations: Outside for real.
- Nothings of interest: Jerry buys a six-pack of both Coke and Pepsi. George mentions the never seen brother again. Sid the car parker is back. Jerry’s windows open out like French doors (remember this).
- Pregnancy concealment: Black shirt and a fringe-leather jacket.
- Characters excuses/lies: Elaine fakes drinking whiskey then says a pack of wild teenagers with a gun caused them to damage Jerry’s car. Romaine hearts are .33¢ each and carrots are .99¢ for 4 pounds at the produce market.
- Disrespecting Authority: George argues with a cop that disagrees with him.
- Stand-up routines: 2
- My grade: B- (the bystanders make it funnier).

Episode 23: “The Keys” (40th episode overall)
- Original air date: April 22, 1992
- Plot: Jerry takes back Kramer’s spare key which prompts the entire gang to swap spare keys. Kramer goes to L.A. to be an actor. This is the first episode in a three-episode arc.
- Guest Stars/Notable Characters: Candice Bergen as herself/Murphy Brown. Eric Allan Kramer as biker.
- Notable locations: Jerry and Kramer’s apartments have fancy doorbells outside the door (which may have been there the whole time and I just noticed.)
- Recurring gags: “These pretzels are making me thirsty!”
- Foods eaten: Mini rice cakes. Half of a dry bagel.
- Kramer’s mooched items: Popcorn popper, Jerry’s bathtub (he uses it) and also his bed (he uses that too.)
- Kramer scheme: Gets a part as “Steven Snell”, Murphy Brown’s assistant.
- Nothings of interest: Kramer has more keys than a custodian at prison. Elaine is writing a sitcom. Kramer roller skates.
- Pregnancy concealment: A big coat then a couch cushion again.
- Characters excuses/lies: Elaine says Jerry is “complete bullshit” under her breath but lies to Jerry about it. George does the same when he calls Jerry’s reasoning “a crock of shit”. Elaine again “such an ass.”
- Significant others:
  - Jerry: Unnamed girlfriend
  - Kramer: “Goochie”
- Death Watch: The biker Kramer hitches with (he was pronounced dead but then revived.)
- Stand-up routines: 2
- My grade: B+ (I like when Elaine yells)

If you want to watch this season in the order it was intended:

Episode 1: “The Note”
Episode 2: “The Truth”
Episode 4: “The Dog”
Episode 5: “The Library”
Episode 3: “The Pen”
Episode 6: “The Parking Garage”
Episode 7: “The Café”
Episode 8: “The Tape”
Episode 9: “The Nose Job”
Episode 11: “The Alternate Side”
Episode 12: “The Red Job”
Episode 15: “The Suicide”
Episode 13: “The Subway”
Episode 14: “The Pez Dispenser”
Episode 17: “The New Friend” (AKA The Boyfriend Part 1)
Episode 18: “The Boyfriend” (Part 2)
Episode 16: “The Fix-Up”
Episode 19: “The Limo”
Episode 20: “The Letter”
Episode 22: “The Keys”
Episode 21: “The Parking Space”
- This season has a holdover from Season 2 which is why there are 23 episodes total in the detailed list but only 21 in the ordered list above.