2013 in Films

Movie Star Rating (0-5) Quick Review

• 12 Years A Slave **** Yep, slavery sucked.
• 42 *** A bit formulaic but worth a watch.
• American Hustle **** The 70s were gross & this movie felt really long. Oscars all around.
• Before Midnight ****1/2 The characters and the films get better with age.
• Blue Jasmine **** Cate will get the Oscar for sure. Well deserved.
• Captain Phillps **** Intense and well-done. 
• Dallas Buyers Club ***1/2 Leto will get an Oscar nom, McConaghy won’t but should.
• Elysium *** This really should have been better than it was.
• Francis Ha * I hated the main character so much, I was hoping she would die. A truly unlikable, spoiled, immature person who I would never root for or want to encounter in real life.
• Frozen **** Girl-power! (the trolls sucked, though)
• Gravity **** You need to see this ASAP. Despite the heavy-handed fetal/re-birth imagery it’s an instant Sci-Fi classic. The opening twenty minute single-camera shot is worth the price of admission alone.
• Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters *** Not as awful as I was lead to believe. It’s unnecessarily gruesome and curse-filled but entertaining enough to half-watch while playing Candy Crush.
• Her **** 20 minutes too long but still far better than most other movies. You need to know what you are getting with a Spike Jonze film – slightly off-kilter but filled with heart. 
• In A World… ***1/2 Nice indy comedy that deserves more recognition.
• Inside Llewyn Davis ****1/2 Oscar Isaac is fantastic! Plus, the music (folk-)rocks.
• Iron Man 3 **** So much fun and far superior to that unwatchable IM2 crapfest.
• Jurassic Park 3D ***** I mean, really. 3D Dinos. It’s a gimme.
• Kon Tiki **** Really good dramatization of Thor Heyerdahl’s cross-Pacific journey. Good, interesting and educational family film.
• Man of Steel *** I enjoyed it for what it was, which was a mess. Russel Crowe is great, though and Cavill is a fuzzy stud-muffin. I’m looking forward to him dry humping Ben Affleck for 2 hours in Bat v. Supes.
• Monsters University *** It was fine.
• Much Ado About Nothing **** Shakespeare is annoying. Whedon made it less so.
• Nebraska **** This year’s “best movie I never want to see again” film.
• Now You See Me *** The first 1/3 was GREAT! The middle 1/3 was good. The last 1/3 was typical. If there’s a sequel I will see it. 
• Oblivion ***1/2 I think I liked it but it didn’t really stick with me. 
• Olympus Has Fallen *** Stupid fun. I get it confused with White House Down and I didn’t even see that one.
• Pacific Rim **** Giant monsters punching giant robots. ‘Nuff said.
• Philomena **** Judi! Judi! Judi! 
• Room 237 *** This documentary got annoying really quickly. Some of the theories were interesting and some were people that need a life.
• Saving Mr. Banks **** PJ Travers was a f@cking crumpet and Disney was white-washed. Still a good movie if not a bit too long.
• Side Effects **** I liked this movie a lot. Great twists and turns. A definite must-rent.
• Star Trek Into Darkness ***1/2  Not as good as ST1 but still fun. I saw it one-and-a-half times in the same day thanks to a theater glitch. I still liked it 150% of the time.
• The Bling Ring ** This should have been a lot better. Emma Watson is great but this isn’t worth watching.
• The Call *** This was by-the-books fun. And whats up with Halle’s hair?
• The Conjuring ***1/2  A good old-fashioned ghost story. Much better than I expected.
• The Great Gatsby *** Beautiful but unnecessary
• The Heat ****   This was waaaaay better than I expected. I chalk that up to Melissa McCarthy being super crazy and NKOTB’s Joey MacIntyre being super handsome.
• The Hunger Games: Catching Fire **** Much better than the first. Exciting from start to cliff-hanger finish. Jena Malone for the win!
• The Lone Ranger **1/2 There were some great fun sequences in here unfortunately it was bogged down in 3 hours of bloated, unnecessary filler. If it’s on HBO watch it  in four 45-minute chunks otherwise don’t bother. I still like the William Tell Overture, though. Too bad Armie Hammer lost his franchise dreams.
• The Secret Life of Walter Mitty ****1/2 LOVED this movie. It’s really quirky and fun. Most people will hate it.
• The Spectacular Now *** This was decent. Nothing to write home about but I liked it. Rent it on a rainy Saturday.
• The Way Way Back ***1/2 A few clunky scenes but overall very well done and engaging. 
• The Wolf of Wall Street ****1/2 A tale of excess, debauchery, and come-uppence. Fantasstically entertaining.
• The Wolverine ***1/2  Fun.
• This Is The End ** A single joke dragged on for 2 hours. I thought it would never end.
• Thor: The Dark World **** A great sci-fi/action movie disguised as a superhero flick.
• Warm Bodies *** Heartfelt movie about zombies, who knew?
• World War Z *** Hearltess movie about zombies. But still fun.

 

 

 

To-Do List:

• 20 Feet From Stardom  – *** Really entertaining and shows that hard-work sometimes gets you nowhere.
• About Time  – I’m skeptical but I heard good things.
• All Is Lost  – Upset I missed Robert Redford lost at sea.
• Carrie – Probably stupid but hopefully fun.
• C.O.G.  – **1/2 Acerbic and disturbing. Why is J.Groff drawn to jerk characters?
• Dark Skies  – ***1/2 Not bad. I liked it over all and enjoyed the ending.
• Enough Said – ***1/2 Funny and a bit sad. JL-D is awesome per usual.
• Fruitvale Station – *** Well, that was upsetting.
• I’m So Excited – I’m not an Almodovar fan but I heard good things about this. I am prepared to hate it.
• Kill Your Darlings – I love me some gay Harry Potter
• Lee Daniels’ The Butler  – **1/2 God this movie was long. 
• Mud  – ***** I thought this movie was fantastic!!!
• Out Of The Furnace – Pittsburgh steel workers kill everyone.
• Prisoners – *** Loooooooong and plodding and the black actors are relegated to the background.
• Rush – I was avoiding this but everyone says it’s really good. But Thor’s wig looks awful.
• Sound City Music –  I can put it on in the background and get the gist
• Struck By Lightning – Chris Colfer wrote and directed. I’ll rent it.
• The Kings Of Summer – Kids doing kid things. It’s like Stand By Me, I think?
• The Place Beyond The Pines – The trailer looked interesting.
• The Short Game – *** Kid golphers are fun. Parents not so much.
• White House Down – See: Olympus Has Fallen

Looking forward to in 2014:

• August: Osage County – ***1/2 Stars. The play was better but this was phenomenally acted.
• Captain America: Winter Soldier – **** – Fantastic! A game-changer
• Dawn of the Planet of the Apes – *** The first one was better
• Guardians of the Galaxy – **** 1/2 A lot of fun. Better the second time around.
• Hunger Games: Mockingjay 1
• Interior: Leather Bar
• Into The Woods
• Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit – ** Stars. Entertaining but not that great. Franchise reboot fail.
• Muppets Most Wanted
• Noah – *** Too long and mud monsters are dumb.
• Non-Stop – *** 1/2 Kept me guessing but had a forumlaic ending.
• The Grand Budapest Hotel – ***1/2 A little too long but beautiful
• The Monuments Men – *** – Better than I expected based on the bad reviews. Could have been tighter, though
• Veronica Mars – **** – Awesome, natch.
• Winter’s Tale
• X-Men: Days of Future Past – ***1/2 Better than First Class but this is wearing thin